Melancholy towards the 'Moon'

Little House

A Love Song to El's Daddy

Hello Mr. Ex,

It's been a while since I last  wrote about you....

Just to let you know that I didn't burn any of your stuffs like I did when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend/s before.

I kept all of it in a special big red box..

In that box stays our wedding albums, pictures together, notes...

And of course our divorce court letters,police reports, the bruises photos after you insulted me

Trust me when I promised you that I will never let our memories slipped away..

Yes, I am still holding on to that promise :)

And this is the way on how to remind me of you

Well, so to let you know that every once a year I will let our El to flip through our Pink Wedding Album since she was 3 years old. 

She recognized it from the moment I took out the album out from the special box

We were smiling and giggling while flipping through the pages. 

She critics a lot, too.. about my make up, about the wedding dress, where's the Tiara and why am I not wearing it, what I ate, who/what is this and that. Phews... many questions popped out from her cute mouth this year. 

But I tried not to hide any stories behind the scene. 

Of course everything definitely wonderful during our wedding day :)

But the funny part was, I don't feel anything every time I flipped through the photos.

Yes, got beam on my face but that's it

Who doesn't smile while looking at wedding photos, right?

I've shared stories about us, but not too detailed since she's still small. 

I am still waiting for the right moment to let her know every single things that happened so that she will understand why her daddy is not around.

I just told her that daddy and mommy are no longer friends. 

But this year, since she's a year matured, I have slowly opened up a bit of the horror part

The one that you left my body with terrible bruises. Remember?

And to my surprise, she puts a side the photos and she hugged me

Slowly she rubbed my arms that used to have lovebites   blue-black-purple-red-green-yellow bruises.

Even at that time she never says I love you, Ibu...... but I know she does :)

I neither hates you nor loves you now

 But I guess I don't carry any grudge towards you anymore. 

I guess you have been fully forgiven

Allah has grant me my do'a of I need peace in mind, heart and soul.

Alhamdulillah 


"Did you know when you go it's the perfect ending... To the bad day I'd gotten used to spending...When you go all I know is you're my favorite mistake"


Thank you as being a man that changes everything for the better in my life and give me the love I craved for.
And the love is HER~

I admit that at this moment I let no one enters my heart. 

It ends at you
Guess I am a monogamous kinda person

But I definitely will open up my heart if it's Chris Pine or Channing Tatum, tho :p

(I guess even my panties will drop down too)

Sneak Peak of the photos

Us During The Solemnization at Masjid Al Huda
18 February 2007 at 11:35 AM

Flipping through her parents' wedding photos

The Ugly Bruises

Thanks to all the loves hates memories you've shared
Bluntly, I wouldn't want to go through it all again.. ever with anyone
Just let it be our dirty little secret

Well baby, this is all time favorite love song I dedicated just for you!
I can't get you out of my mind every time I hear this song on the radio

Yes, only to you 

Enjoy!~

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'ma need a better reason to write you a love song today, today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'ma need a better reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say

I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

Is that why you wanted a love song?
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to write you a love song today, today

                                 

Yes! I definitely am DRUNK, really!

How fast time flies..

My baby girl is now started her kindergarten already.

I can't hardly believe that she is in real school already.

Wednesday, 1 January 2014 

As usual, she'll give her very best poses to me

 

 Even the surrounding was very alien to her, but she's still bubbly as always :)

In her classroom

This moment was when the teacher asked all of the parents to wait outside.

Ohh... memang sangat sedih bila tengok pandangan dia time nih (sob..sob)

 

With her new friends

Balik Time

All kids lined up before end of class

 

She was the last to lined up

But she was the first to go out from the class. Magic kan ;p

Muka Kemaih before hitch a ride with Achaq to home

Actually this is not her first time to school.

But I don't know why I still have this butterflies in my stomach kinda feelings.

I started sending her to nursery at her age of 2 years old, 7am till 6pm. 

Her second school was last year, when I sent her at one of the popular kindergarten branch near to my house. I reckon it was very expensive for the poor services given after school. School was okay but the day care was terrible. (kesian anak aku)

How fast time flies..

I've got this mixed feelings - Happy, Proud, Excited, Amused, Sad, Regret

Happy - Proud - Excited seeing her very calm with the new environment. 

How fast she can adapt in it.

Can't wait to see the progress.

It was so amusing when the teacher told us that she's okay but she likes to wandering around the classroom where her other friends are still at their place.

Ellie told me that the whole day teacher just taught her how to write number "1" and on the second day learn how to write number "2"

Oh cammon!~ You need 5 hours to teach just that?

Kids nowadays are very bright and you don't have to follow time zaman batu

Sad-Regret

I just realised that she grew up very fast and now she's going to turn 5 years old in another 3 months.

I was too busy with my baking business which I really regret and felt that I have neglected her rights.

Oh how I wish I could turn back time..

 The time when she was just born.

 I owe her alot, seriously

 

Mode: Sangat sedih sementara menunggu hujan segheyat